i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
