does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
