just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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