I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
