OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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