ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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