Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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