Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
