Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
