It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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