im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
