I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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