Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
