Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
