i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
