Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
