Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
