Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
