id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
