ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
