I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My penis needs a shock collar
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
