She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Randomize
