I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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