I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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