I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize