Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
