he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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