In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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