We won't sleep together?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
