He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
