Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
