he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have fence marks all over my body
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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