I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
