Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
