I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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