i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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