plz talk dirty to me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
