So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
