Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
