so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
