she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
