Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
