I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
