My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
