Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
