dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize