im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize