Banned from zoo.
Again?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
