If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, beer. Big fan.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
