His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
