the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
