i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
