hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
