That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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