bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
two words: eviction party
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
