therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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