I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
