My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
