I love black thongs
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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