sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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