I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
