So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
