how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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