if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
