im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
