I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
