he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
