We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize