**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
