ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I will be naked everywhere
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
