I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
