Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
