he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize