a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize