Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Randomize