I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
