if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
