i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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