I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
