So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just gift wrapped bread.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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