love makes seman taste better
mondays should just be called national damage control day
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
do nipples grow back?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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