Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
